Friday, November 27, 2009

#fridayflash: Remedy

Lottie’s flawless white hands smoothed silky folds of pink satin undergarments as she placed them into her squat old brown suitcase. A cool spring breeze drew her to the open window where moonbeams shimmered softly through sheer lace curtains. A brisk knock on the door and Lottie jumped back from the window, her beautiful sky blue eyes darting anxiously around the soft pink haven she’d cocooned herself into for the past five years.

“Go away,” she whispered.
Instead, as Lottie knew would happen, the door swung inward and Frieda bustled into the dainty pink and white bedroom.
Frieda, buxom and shapely in her blue satin nightdress and reeking of the remedy, stopped short and stared down into the hastily packed old satchel on Lottie’s pink bedspread.
“What’s this? You’re not still seriously thinking of leaving, are you Lottie Dear?”
“I’m not thinking of it. I’m doing it,” Lottie said flipping back her long blonde hair and snapping the latches closed on her worn old suitcase.

“You know what will happen to you without the remedy,” Frieda said, reposing into a pink satin armchair, like a queen on her throne. She clutched an ornate silver flask in her lovely, perfectly manicured hands.

“I don’t care, I’m leaving and I’m leaving for good this time,” Lottie said, her pretty face puckering into a frown as she backed toward the open door. “What we’re doing is wrong.”
“What’s wrong with wanting to look our best? What’s wrong with bringing a little pleasure to some lonely men? We have to make a living, don’t we? What’s wrong with that?” Frieda uncorked the slender silver flask increasing the pleasant lemony, jasmine scent of the remedy. “Are you leaving without tonight’s treatment? It’s almost midnight, you’ll revert soon.”
“We’re not beautiful, Frieda. It’s wrong to deceive these men. It’s wrong to take their money. This remedy you created is wicked—it’s addicting and evil. The remedy—it’s changed you—made your face and your body beautiful, but it’s poisoned your soul. It’s made you cold, calculating, and greedy. I often wonder, is any of my sweet sister really still in there?”

Lottie smoothed the folds of her old gray cotton dress with warty, liver-spotted hands. Her face began to sag on one side, her top lip splitting into a hideous fixed grin as words became harder to formulate. Tears sparkled in sky blue eyes. Beautiful eyes now receding into lumps of bone and wrinkled flesh which sprouted haphazardly across Lottie’s ravaged skull.
“Cuh wid me,” Lottie begged.
Frieda laughed.
Lottie shrugged her bent shoulders, grasped the handle of the old suitcase with a twisted talon, and limped out into the fragrant spring night.
“You’ll be back,” Frieda shouted from the window of Lottie’s old room. “You always come back.”


Note: I’ve discovered, through a little blog research, a movement called “#fridayflash.” It’s to post flash fiction (stories under 1,000 words )on our blogs each Friday: the stories are then rounded up into a collector site to give fiction writers some exposure. At least to each other.

It’s sort of an excuse to get us off our butts and doing something that we all aspire to do – write.

I think it will be lots of fun. Remedy is my first “#fridayflash” piece.

Flash Fiction: Airdog


Marisa Birns said...

Clever! Where can I never mind!

Welcome to #fridayflash!

Deb said...

Very Twilight Zone-esque (and I mean that in a good way!). Great story!

mazzz_in_Leeds said...

Haha, from pink and fluffy delight to wrinkled flesh and receding eyes - cool!
Welcome to #fridayflash!

David said...

Welcome to #fridayflash. Very clever. The twist of the remedy surprised and scared me.

Anonymous said...

Nice! Kind of a Rod Serling sort of thing you've got here. I liked how she transformed and the sister didn't blink an eye.

Nice work!

Karen from Mentor said...

I liked the silky folds of the pink satin undergarments. :0)

It would be amazingly hard to give up beauty in a bottle. Nice tale!

Welcome to fridayflash.
thanks for stopping by my place.
Karen :0)

ganymeder said...

This reminds me a lot of a cross between "The Spring" and that episode of OS Star Trek with Mudd's women. Great theme, nicely written.

Welcome for #fridayflash!

Susan Beth Studio said...

Loved this Louise! I thought they must have something for writers like "Illustration Friday". Awesome, reminded me a little of "Dorian Gray".

A Writer said...

Scary yet tempting all at once. Thank you for joining the gang at #Fridayflash. =)

Dana said...

Very wonderfully descriptive!

Welcome aboard friday flash, too :D

Laurita said...

Ykes! That's one heckuva tale. If I could make one suggestion it would be to cut down on your use of adjectives to give your words extra punch. A story like this deserves it. Well done.

BurningChrome said...

Nice Read. Congrats on your debut #fridayflash. Nice descriptive writing.

Laura Eno said...

I wonder how many times she's tried to leave?
Welcome to #fridayflash!

Chance said...

An entertaining tale ...

welcome to fridayflash

Linda said...

Did she come back? Great little tale, and glad you've joined the fridayflash fray. Peace, Linda

Chris Chartrand said...

Very nicely done. A fun read indeed. Welcome to #fridayflash.

Weezel said...

Thanks to everyone who took the time to leave me a comment. All advice will be heeded and all comments are my learning tools. Had a few blogger issues during the past several days and have been unable to comment until now! Thanks Again!
Write On!

Anonymous said...

Too, too tempting. I want to know if she comes back, but that will wait for another Friday. Welcome to Friday Flash.

Barb Relyea